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How Giving Too Much Can Backfire

07 October

They had the worst intentions all along, after all.Here you are – you are putting your heart out there will to help others giving all you got expecting some result.    AND then Ugh! The person who you are giving to just didn’t want the gift or just didn’t appreciate what you have to offer.

Were they ready!  Probably not!   Have you ever had someone just gave you a canapé at a dinner party and all you had to do was just pop it in your mouth.  That person gave you the canapé.  Or you handed someone that special book you just wrote and then held out their hand.  The person took the book, popped it into their handbag and then never even read it.

Let me tell you my story!  On my recent holiday, I wanted to give my friend a special gift.  A gift she could cherish for a long time.  I found a very expensive piece of jewellery considering her personality and her stature.  I wanted to give this because I felt she would really appreciate it and have a part of what I have been lucky to have in my life.  But by the look on her face when she opened the parcel, I felt a deep sadness because it was like an expectation of my generosity.  Not even a thank you!  Later to be told that I was to buy her clothes as well.

The same goes for all the freebies that we give out in our small business.  We do this so people can get a feel for what we do and maybe, just maybe may do business with you.   The free tele-seminars; webinars;  eBooks; lesson series, cds and more are all given with the hope of receiving something in return.   The constant barrage of emails, newsletter and/or free gifts all given with expectation that just may land that special deal.    When it doesn’t happen, we feel deflated.

Here is where it backfired!    I had an expectation that she would jump for joy to receive such a gift.  So when she did not, not even look excited I took the gift back. Think about someone who you feel you have to prove yourself to – either for you or for them.  You want to lock horns and go into battle; you want to be right at any cost.  You want to prove your point and maybe more importantly to prove them wrong. That’s the ego and you know it by the resistance or the uncomfortable feeling you have.

I wasn’t living from the heart because truly when you are ‘coming from a heart space, your ego has to take a back step, whether it likes it or not, it no longer has the power to get in the way.  The ego doesn’t live in a heart space – it almost as the ego got choked when the heart took over.

Being generous is fairly easy to accomplish and it goes way beyond ‘not being stingy’.  It’s another thing, like gratitude that just makes you feel good in the process.  Yet I didn’t feel good about the giving in this instance.  I had an expectation –that the person I gave the gift too would in some way reciprocate back some form of loving action to make me feel good.   It was a selfish demonstration and so often we are all giving away something with an expectation of it being reciprocated.

Generosity of spirit is when you give willingly and easily to others with no expectation– making the person feel comfortable with themselves and where they are going and where they want to be.  Your strength in generosity will become a prominent feature for you and in your business – one that’s remembered and appreciated by everyone you come in contact with.  Even if they experience it differently from what you want, your influence and impact will impart a feeling state even you can’t even define.

When you’re operating from your heart (and it takes practice) you will experience an open and flowing comfortable feeling.  Accepting a gift is like accepting a compliment.  Don’t take it for granted –say thank you and the universe will respond to you in kind.

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2 Responses to “How Giving Too Much Can Backfire”

  1. William Tappan October 9, 2013 at 6:36 am #

    Reeny,
    I enjoyed reading your blog on your experience,
    I’m happy you have reflected more on this episode.
    If I understood correctly, You’ve realized its bad karma, to expect something back for a gift, you felt frustrated because you only got suspicion and ill feelings back, instead of love or gratitude, and that now you understand that a gift is a gift, no strings attached. It’s something you give from the heart like love. Love is unconditional.

    I liked that.

    Bill

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